Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
