What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
