I am puke
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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