At least make sure they are 18
Why
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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