Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
