There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
