My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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