I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize