I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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