Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
