I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
