PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize