Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
