if you like me you must not know who I am
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize