You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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