If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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