Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
