ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize