we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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