He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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