it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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