even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Vodka?
Forever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
