I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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