It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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