the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
