Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
