next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
