ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize