it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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