I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
