My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
