sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
