it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
