One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
