Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
