Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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