Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have post one night stand depression
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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