i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
