when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
