I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
