your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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