i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Found the puke drawer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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