Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
