This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
