I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
