if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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