Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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