i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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