you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
