Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
