I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
