I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
