she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
