Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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