Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
