Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
