It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
