I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize