Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
