a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
