"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize