Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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