**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So apparently I’m into choking now
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