i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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