The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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