I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
