I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
