I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
