your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
