Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why do cheetos always look like penises
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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