Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
