Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
